Thinking Outside the Box....or in it....

There are times that we wonder just what is going on in that little head of Malachi's. We don't really have a good grasp on what his cognitive abilities are just yet. And who knows his future will look like? It doesn't really matter though because he is wonderful just the way God made him. 

Our God makes no mistakes. 

But in our world everyone has to have a label. Down Syndrome, cerebral palsy, developmental delay, autism, hyperactive...These are just a few of the special needs labels that children can be given. 

I suppose it's educational on some level to have a name or diagnosis for a child's special need, but I, for one, believe we should think less in terms of what someone is NOT able to do and appreciate them for what they CAN do. 

Our differences are what makes each of us a unique creation of a loving Father. 

But that's just me. 

The whole educational system is set up to label children that don't fall within the range of what some professional or group of professionals has labeled "normal." And they will start with the labels as soon as your special needs child turns three years old. That's right. Three years old. Because three years is such a long time to grow and develop in this big old world and you really ought to have learned how to do a thing or two by then. Nevermind how or where you got your start in life. 

Now if it just so happens you can't do what all the "normal" three year olds can do, well then, you're labeled "special" and you need some really intense therapy and help to become more "normal." And our big, old, sweet, government school system is just happy to provide all this help early on for you. This is all done in the name of early intervention, but I have my doubts about what the real goal is and the driving philosophy behind it. Differences aren't really appreciated when you're trying to churn out products that think alike, look alike and hold to the status quo. Not to mention, those among us who aren't "normal" often require special attention and more effort to educate. And well, that can get to be awfully burdensome and expensive.  

Our little guy IS different, and he IS special.  His needs are very real. But, so is the joy he brings. Where the rest of us see furniture, he sees percussion instruments. And where the rest of us see just a Happy Meal box,  he sees a fancy hat. He sees life through a different lens. Thanks to him, we do too.  And we are very grateful for a little perspective. 

Heather 

An Awesome God....

.....sets the lonely in families...

....gives you dear, sweet friends made half a world away...

....and creates the days that you get to spend with your kindred in spirit....

We were so blessed to get to spend the last week with precious friends from too far away in a beautiful house by the ocean. We praise God for knitting our families together. Our friendship was an unexpected blessing, something beautiful from the sometimes difficult road that adoption can be.

Thanks guys... We love you. 

And just in case anyone wonders what two conservative, Christian, adoptive mommies do when we get a little girl time away....

.....we get henna tattoos. (...'cause we're a little crazy and free in Christ that way... and our husbands' won't let us have real ones...yet ;) 

Heather

Storming the Gates...

If you spend time in the adoption arena, you will quickly find there is an overwhelming amount of information out there. Books, classes, webboards, blogs. Opinions abound about the how-to's of raising adopted children.

Very little of it is helpful.

Being someone who has read A LOT about adoption, let me say very few of those sources paint an honest picture of the adoption road. Too many gloss over the really hard stuff.

There is a book that is different. Refreshing. Worth the read.

It covers a very real, but little talked about perspective in adoption - the perspective of spiritual warfare. The name of the book is This Means War: Equipping Christian Families for Fostercare or Adoption by Cheryl Ellicott.


Can I be very honest?

We are absolutely certain that God led us to Malachi's adoption. He confirmed that in numerous miraculous ways while we in the process, not the least of which was a gift of the exact dollar amount we needed to bring him home.

Yes, someone gave us $20,000.

No strings attached. No expectation of repayment. No instructions concerning it's proper use. Just a gift.

They didn't know how much money we needed for M's adoption, or even where we were in the process. I'm not sure they even knew we were in the process at that time. It was a total God thing. God brought Malachi to us. He hand picked Malachi to be our son and provided every resource to make that happen. Gods's hand was present and obvious.

But even as wonderful and amazing as those facts are, the adjustment of being the adoptive parents of this child made for the most difficult 12 - 18 months either of us has ever faced.

Adoption will bring up issues in you that you didn't realize you had. It will shine the spotlight on ugliness in your heart you had no idea existed there. It will stretch you and challenge you emotionally, physically and spiritually. There will be times you wonder why on earth you ever did this to your family and yourself. You will swear you have made the worst mistake you ever made and that all you want is your former life back. You may suffer from depression. Your marriage and family relationships will take a huge hit while everyone adjusts to the new reality.

Adoption isn't easy. Not in the least.

And no one talks about that part. It's mostly fluff and love. Occasionally someone will say "Love is not enough." But so few tell why.

For a long time I personally wrestled with the roller coaster emotions that our adoption caused in me. Everyday I wanted to scream, "Stop the ride! I want to get off!"  I couldn't wrap my brain around why it was so hard.

Then I read the book. I ran across it completely by accident. (Accidental on my part anyway.)

After I read it, I wanted to climb up on my roof and shout a big "THANK YOU!!!!" at the top of my lungs. I finally got it. And I felt validated.

Christian adoption is a spiritual battle for the hearts and souls of children. These children often come from families who have been locked in chains of spiritual bondage for generations. Christian adoption storms the very gates of hell and attempts to take back what the devil has stolen. When you engage in this work you make the enemy very angry.

I've been reminded of it again this week as I have battled discouragement, lies, fatigue, and more "experts" with no answers.

I know what has brought on this attack. It is the seriousness with which we are pursuing the next adoption and the hope we have of some spiritually refreshing time away next week.

But my God is greater, and my trials are temporary.

And I'm not backing down.

Heather

For God So Loved the World...

Our day in pictures....

We took a little break to enjoy the family and beautiful weather today. This is what we did...

We rode a hippo......

Basked in the love of family... 

(As a side note, these guys are NOT your relatives. They aren't mine either.)

Posed for pictures....

"Oohed" and "aahed" over babies.....

Stopped to enjoy the flowers....

And hatched up a whole lot of fun. 

By the time we left, we were hungry as bears. 

But I would say we all had one very cool day. 

Heather

Two Years....

I wrote this one night in April, the night before "Adoption Day" or the anniversary of the day we met Malachi in Ethiopia. I re-read it again this evening.  It reminded me again that,  in spite of our difficulties, we are so very blessed...

Wow. Two years. Tomorrow marks the two year anniversary of the day a baby boy was put into the arms of his mother from half a world away. 

And I thought the adoption process was a roller coaster. 

If I had know then what would lie ahead in the next two years, the hubs and I would have high tailed it away from any thought or mention of international adoption. But our great God, in His infinite wisdom only reveals one puzzle piece at the time. 

So here we are, two years and diagnoses of significant developmental delays, hearing loss and a seizure disorder later. And you know what? We're not surviving. Most days we're thriving!  There's an old statement among Christians that says, "The will of God will never lead you, where the grace of God cannot keep you." We have found that to be more than true. 

Our faith has been put to the test, and our Father has been found more than faithful. Our boat has been rocked but not sunk. We've been battered but not beaten. We have been pressed but not crushed. 

Raising a special needs child is not a cake walk, but it isn't the death sentence we thought it would be before we lived it. 

Each day we wake up to the precious face of a our sweet boy. We experience the love he gives and the way he extends such sweet forgiveness to his imperfect parents. He teaches us so much about the love and patience our Heavenly Father extends to us. We rejoice at each small gain he makes, at the fact that he can hear our voices, that he is home where he can get the medicines he needs. We rejoice that tomorrow when we wake up, we'll see his precious face and say, " We're so happy you're ours, sweet boy. Welcome home...again."

Heather

Then I am strong....

There's something that I have to get off my chest. 


Being the parent of a special needs child is downright hard work most days. 


Sometimes it is immensely frustrating. 


And I'm not sure what is more frustrating.  The constant need. The lack of answers, solutions or even ideas of what the future will look like. The bone weariness at day's end.  The fact that M's particular special needs often mean we don't sleep well at night. Somedays it's ALL very overwhelming and frustrating. 


There are times when it gets to be too much. There are times I sit and cry because I can't do this. And I feel so helpless, so weak. Tonight was one of those times. 

At those times I hear a sweet whisper in my soul. 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 

So I sigh.  Yes, Lord. My weaknesses are long... deep... wide.


But so is Your grace.


And I long to be able to truly say with my whole heart...

"Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ..... For when I am weak, then I am strong."

 (2 Cor. 12:9-10) 

Heather